May 16

It's been a day of academic accomplishment in Lincoln, Illinois today. Ruth's family had a big celebration today because of all the graduates. From left to right:

Shannon (Ruth's daughter) completed eighth grade, an accomplishment Ruth takes particular pride in because Shannon is homeschooled.

Jimmy (Ruth's father) received his college degree today, almost 30 years after he began working on it. He didn't have the benefit of a high school education when he started, so this accomplishment is doubly impressive.

Whitney (Ruth's niece) graduated from high school and will start college on Monday. She's camera shy and, judging from the speed with which she plans to get started on her own higher education, a glutton for punishment.

Ruth received her degree in the same ceremony as her father. She hasn't been working on it for as long as Jimmy has, but she's justifiably proud of the accomplishment of getting her degree while homeschooling children and working full-time. I suspect her biggest desires are to get lots of sleep and rest.

Between the graduation, the cake, the party, the photo ops, and hanging out with friends, it was a busy day. I'm glad I made it here.

136/365 -

May 11

I've been planning to go out to Illinois to celebrate my friend Ruth graduating college for several months now, perhaps even as long as a year. Unfortunately, every time I got my plans somewhat set, something happened to put them in peril.

The first big obstacle was in March, when my old computer bit the dust. Buying a replacement, which was pretty important to me, put a big dent in my savings. I was on the cusp of canceling my trip then, but I was able to change my plans sufficiently (cutting two days off my trip) to make it financially feasible. I still wasn't certain I could afford it, but I kept working on my savings plan, and finally, on April 21st, I bought my plane tickets. No going back -- or so I thought.

Then the Commonwealth of Massachusetts stepped in. I missed paying my excise taxes in 2008 (don't ask me how, I don't know), so I had to pay them -- pronto! -- to renew my car registration. The computer was a financial boo-boo compared to the surgery I had to perform on my budget to make this trip work. For 10 days I thought I wasn't going to be able to make the trip, because I simply didn't have the money when I needed it -- a classic cash-flow problem. I get paid during this trip, but I needed money before payday.

I planned. I schemed. I plotted. I considered driving out to Illinois -- an 18-hour trip each way. Perversely, driving my own car is more expensive than flying and renting a car out there, but from a cash-flow perspective, I could almost afford it. I looked at flying -- the airline tickets were already paid for -- and staying in an inexpensive airport hotel for a night, picking up my rental car on Friday, after my paycheck was direct-deposited. I downgraded my hotel in Lincoln to save about $100 over four days. It was all borderline at best.

A friend asked me about my plans, so I mentioned to her all of the hoops I was jumping through because of cash flow. Out of the blue, she offered to lend me the money I needed. Wow. I considered it over the weekend, and yesterday, accepted her offer. So the trip, which had been tenuous at best, is back on.

Honestly, this trip has come back to life more often than Shirley MacLaine. I'm just glad it's back on.

131/365 -

March 03

I'm fortunate to have very thoughtful friends. Out of the blue, I got this card from my dear friend and confidante Ruth today.

Ruth and I have a very close and special relationship (as I described a little here), so getting this card was a pleasant little surprise. It's a sweet little card, with a short message inside. It's certainly nothing extraordinary, but seeing this in the mail was the high point of my day.

I'm going to visit Ruth and her family in May, when she graduates from college. She'll be sharing the stage with her father, who's getting his degree from the same institution, and her cousin Walt, who's graduating from Seminary. To be invited to the graduation is a privilege, and to be invited to the family party afterward is quite an honor.

Many gay people refer to one another as "family," and it's something of an axiom that gay people have the families they're born with, and the families they choose (meaning their closest friends). Ruth's family, while a little unusual, forms a kind of surrogate family for me, and I'm closer to Ruth than I am to many members of my biological family.

I consider myself fortunate to have such wonderful and thoughtful friends. However, "fortunate" doesn't begin to describe my feelings about being close to Ruth. It's more than good fortune ... I'm lucky to have her in my life.

62/365 -

February 17

I don't send a lot of snail mail these days. All of my bills are paid online, and aside from the occasional personal letter (which I write too seldom), I only send cards for special occasions.

Coincidentally, a special occasion is coming up on Saturday -- Ruth Halpin's birthday.

To call Ruth a friend doesn't even begin to describe the complex and convoluted relationship we share. To call her my ex sounds too pejorative. She occupies a special little niche of her own in my life, having known me for more than half of that life. She's closer to me than many members of my biological family, and to me, she's one of the few constants in my life. So her birthday is certainly a special occasion, and definitely merits a snail mail salute.

48/365 -